Erin Jaslovsky

-i hate you, but i want you to like me
        -i dont really hate you
i only say i hate you to try to convince myself to hate you.
youre not good for me
youre not good for anyone
youre poison
i want to be friends
i want you to text me more often so i can force myself not to reply because i want to punish you for using me.
im jealous of my best friend.
i dont know what this is about, but i think i just need to vent out to someone who wont tell me im stupid. i just…  
i know i shouldnt care about you, but you damaged my brain to the point of no return.
i wish i could forget
i wish you would go away forever
why do you effect me like this,
this ISNT good. 

so it came to my attention, that im am not happy… i mean im happy, just only half the time. i spent all summer doing, well, what you do in the summer… which is nothing. that sounds bad… i did a whole bunch of amazing things with amazing people, but i feel i got nothing done. i dont feel fulfilled.
now i know my friends will read this and think, “well now i feel like shit… shes such an awful friend.” this isnt about any of you… this is about me. i feel i need to put this out there.
i think in order to be happy in life, and with the things you do, you have to a) have something that makes you completely and utterly happy, and b) you have to be happy with your own self.
welp, i dont qualify for either of those.
i realized today, i dont have a hobby or activity that makes me happy… its so of a slap in the face.
my mom is all “what are you going to do when youre out of college, you cant get a job with only a degree in German!” and frankly, i have no goddamn clue what i want to do. so i need to get on that.
so i decided im going to repaint my room. … :)

p.s. im already feeling better.